POSTPARTUM RECOVERY: THE MISSING CHAPTER

What to expect when you’re expecting…I think for the most part we’ve figured it out. Thanks to friends and family, the media and the infinite amount of resources, the basic symptoms of pregnancy are very well known. In fact, they are so well known that it’s perfectly normal to ask a total stranger how they feel, if they’re nauseous or what they’re craving.

DC and I loved reading the pregnancy books and using the apps. They are all divided into the three trimesters, describing symptoms that, for the most part, we already knew about. And of course, there was nothing better than finding out which fruit or vegetable our growing baby was each week. So it wasn’t until I was home from the hospital, experiencing the most intense symptoms of all, that I realized there is something immensely wrong with these books and apps…they are missing an entire chapter.

Welcome to the Fourth Trimester. The one that no one talks about.

After speaking to a lot of family and friends, I think there are two main reasons no one talks about it. Firstly, kind of like labour and delivery, they say you forget. And also like labour and delivery, I have to believe this is true, otherwise everyone would just stop at one kid. Secondly, no one wants to scare a pregnant person who is already hormonal and anxious about the baby coming with their own horror stories of what’s to expect postpartum. You just want them to feel happy and excited.

So saying that, this post is not meant to scare anyone or to complain. It is simply the post I wish I had read, the knowledge I wish I had prior to delivering, so that, similarly to pregnancy, I knew what to expect and understood that what I’m going through is NORMAL.

Alright, let’s talk about the Fourth Trimester.

There’s no other way to put this…whether you delivered vaginally or by C-section, having a baby f*cks your body up. In any other situation in life, it would be expected that we are bedridden for weeks after what our bodies have just been through. Like seriously, a C-section is major abdominal surgery. But throw a baby into the mix and you are expected to actually be able to do things such as go to that first doctors appointment 48 hours later like it’s no big deal – as if walking, sitting in a car and even breathing isn’t the most painful thing ever.

But it IS painful. Recovery takes a long time (I’m just over two weeks postpartum and can still barely walk) and it’s so important to know that this is normal.

So since the books, apps and movies all left this part out, let me give you a little idea of what to expect. Keep in mind, I delivered vaginally so recovey and some symptoms will be different from a c-section.

Waddling

And you thought you were waddling at nine months pregnant, right? Postpartum walking, aka waddling, is a whole different ball game. Imagine picking up a bowling ball…with your vagina. That’s basically what is feels like when you stand or walk after delivery.

Things that helped:

• Ice your vag
• Try and take a few small 5-10 minute walks a day
• Don’t overdo it

Swelling

Another thing we knew to expect during pregnancy but apparently is more common AFTER! Who freakin knew? If you get an epidural or have a c-section, it’s much more common due to all the fluids and pain meds from the IV. Be prepare for swollen EVERYTHING (vagina included) but especially feet and legs.

Things that helped:

• Elevate your feet when you are sitting
• Ice baths for your feet and legs
• Have someone massage your hands and legs to get the blood flowing
• Short walks to also get the blood flowing

Full blown period

I believe the proper medical term is the ‘lochia,’ which is the postpartum bleeding that occurs because recovery isn’t bad enough that we need to also have our periods. It lasts around 6 weeks, you need to wear a pad and now I understand all the commotion around Meghan Markle wearing white at her baby reveal.

Things that helped:

• Buy A LOT of pads – I change mine almost every time I pee because I forgot how gross pads are
• Keep reading below for vagina care tips

Vagina Pain

If you read my birth story, you’ll know I had an episiotomy. I’m not sure if the vagina pain is still bad if you didn’t have one or didn’t tear but I’m going to guess if you pushed at all, things feel bleak down there.

Things that helped:

• Squirt bottle – every time you go to the bathroom, rinse with a squirt bottle using warm water. They should give you one in the hospital or you can buy them at the drugstore.
• Sitz bath – you basically soak your ass and vag in warm water. I add epsom salts and a splash of witch hazel to mine and it not only feels good but helps keep things clean and more sterile.
• Air dry – my BFF bought me these puppy pee pads that I air dry on after I shower or take a sitz bath. It feels great to lie there and let it all air out. Plus the less trapped moisture, the better for healing.
• Donut – anytime I’m sitting down, it’s on a donut. I actually highly recommend you bring one to the hospital with you. It helps alleviate pressure when you’re seated. It’s just necessary, trust me.
• Ice pack – As soon as I come back from any walk or if I’m standing too long, I feel the need to ice my vag. It hurts, you’ll feel the bowling ball and ice will help reduce the swelling.
• Painkillers – The nurses told me that every 6 hours I should take tylenol and advil. I still do. If I don’t, I feel it right away. Don’t be a hero. Take your freakin painkillers.

Hemorrhoids

Oh the joys. As if things weren’t bad enough down there already, let’s just add one more thing to the list. You know what they are, they are painful, they suck, I sympathize, I’m with you.

Things that helped:

• Sitz baths (see vagina care above)
• Tucks pads – I wipe with them
• Padsicles – line a pad with tucks or spray a pad with witch hazel, put in freezer and then use as an ice pack in your underwear
• Stool softener – I used Senekot
• Sit on your donut

Trapped Gas

Having your first bowel movement postpartum can be a major source of stress and anxiety. It’s super common to get constipated after delivery and as a result, have a lot of bad gas pains. My gas pains were so bad that one night I literally couldn’t get myself out of bed. DC had to lift my body up so I could breastfeed. As with everything else though, it got better after a few days but I had to do a lot of research and additional “work” to cure these.

Things that helped:

• High fibre diet – I used this Arbonne fibre supplement in my water or smoothies. I also added chia seeds and flax seeds to my meals.
• Drink a ton of water. At least 3 litres a day. If you’re taking a lot of fibre but don’t up your water intake it will just make things worse.
• Take a good quality probiotic. I use this one.
• Eat lots of salads, fruits and vegetables.
• Drink mint tea to help soothe your stomach.
• Cat-cow yoga poses help with the pain and move the gas around.
• Take short walks throughout the day and get the blood flowing to help with digestion.

Anxiety

This could and probably will become a separate blog post on it’s own because there is so much to say. I’ll try and keep it concise right now. The day we got home from the hospital, at around 6pm, I had a massive panic attack. I’ve had 3 other panic attacks in my life before so I knew what it was. I couldn’t breath, got super nauseous, lost feeling in my hands, couldn’t eat or sleep and felt scared for my life. It lasted about 36 hours. I thought there was something wrong with me, Why, when I had a beautiful healthy baby, the most supportive family AND a night nurse would I be panicking? I decided right then and there that I had postpartum depression and anxiety and the thoughts just spiraled out of control. It was the darkest, scariest few hours of my life. I felt like a failure, that there was something horribly wrong with me and I wasn’t fit to be a mom. The problem was, that I didn’t know that what had just happened was NORMAL. As normal as having first trimester nausea. So while I will save any more details for another post, I want you to know that if you experience any type of postpartum anxiety, feelings of sadness and hopelessness, it is NORMAL AND EXPECTED.

Things that helped:

• Telling someone right away. As soon as I started to panic I told DC, I am having a panic attack, I think I have postpartum depression and anxiety and we took it from there. Please do not hold these feelings in for a second.
• Speak to professionals. I called my family doctor, I told me pediatrician at Lily’s first appointment AND I spoke to a registered public health nurse on the phone.
• Understand WHY. Finding out not only that is IS normal but WHY it is normal helped me. After delivery AND when our milk comes in, our bodies produce oxytocin. This is a hormone that ignites the fight or flight response in our brains. It’s meant for us to be able to protect our babies. It is our bodies doing what they are supposed to do. The problem is, when we have the help and resources available to us, we don’t think we need to be living in this fight or flight mindset. So it makes us question why we feel this way. But our bodies don’t know any different. The chemicals will be produced no matter what. It’s essentially like taking drugs and having a natural response to them without knowing we are taking them.
• Find your triggers and change the pattern. For myself and many others, the thought of nighttime can be super daunting and anxiety provoking in these early newborn days. My first panic attack happened at 6pm and then that’s when my anxiety would come each day for the first week. So instead of sitting at home waiting for it to come and then panicking, DC and I started changing our patterns. We would go for a walk around the block, or put on a TV show. Currently, napping and being away from Lily during the day causes me a lot of anxiety. So when people tell me to “sleep and I’ll watch her for you” that’s an automatic trigger. No trigger is right or wrong. Don’t judge yourself for something that makes you anxious. Just try and identify what it is and see if you can make a behavioural change around it.
• Mom tribe. This is by far the most important thing that helped me. Telling my fellow moms. Because guess what, they ALL went through the same thing. Literally every. single. one. Knowing they had panic attacks and suffered from anxiety made me sad for them but also hopeful seeing them all survive and come out strong. I still struggle every day but all I need to do is just call one of them up and say I’m panicking again and talking to them will automatically make me feel better.
• Do not judge yourself. Remember, anxiety is as normal as craving bagels and cheese. When that anxiety comes on, acknowledge it, say to yourself I understand why you are here but thank you, next. We are normal and our anxiety does not rule us.
• One hour at a time. This was the best advice someone gave to me. One hour of the day you might be feeling 100% and think you are past all this postpartum madness. The next, it comes on a like a wave and knocks you off your feet. But it will pass. Each hour is different. Take it one hour at a time.

Engorged Boobs/ Sore Nipples

A few people have told me that if your boobs and nipples hurt while you are breastfeeding then you are doing it wrong. Well, I’m calling bullshit on that. If anyone were to suck on ANY part of your body for countless hours a day, every day, that part of your body would start to hurt. And we’re talking about nipples here people!!! One of the most sensitive parts of our bodies! It’s OBVIOUSLY going to hurt at the beginning. And when the milk comes in and your boobs get lumpy and engorged, it also hurts!! Yes, breastfeeding is uncomfortable and painful. But again, it does get better.

Things that helped:

• Hire a professional lactation consultant. If your baby does not latch properly, they will tear up your nipples. Mine looked like a war zone the first week. And then they are really hard to heal as you continue to feed. Make sure you latch properly and have a professional help you.
• Get a good nipple cream. I actually use a prespreciption from my doctor.
• Apply heat when engorged. I sleep with a heating pad on my boobs every night to help with the engorgement.
• Take a hot shower and massage your boobs.

Crying

And you thought a newborn baby cried a lot? I honestly think at this point I have cried more than Lily. Happy tears. Sad tears. No clue why tears. As a new mom, you will cry, cry cry.

Things that helped:

• Just cry.

It’s important to note that these symptoms are based off my personal experience. There may be things that I’m missing and if you’re lucky, you may not experience all of these, or even any! But if you do, I just want you to know it’s all normal.

I wrote this blog post with the Marlie on May 16 at 6 pm in mind. For the person who didn’t know what to expect. For all the books that are missing a chapter.

I hope it was helpful. We got this mamas.