BABY NO. 2: What I’m excited for and what I’m scared for
Now that we’re in 2021 it’s starting to really hit me that, before we know it, we will be back into the newborn phase…except this time with a toddler! I always loved the idea of 2 kids under 2, mostly because I grew up so close with my three sisters and am just 18 months apart from one of them. But while such a tight age gap has its perks, I am also pretty scared to essentially have 2 babies at home!
With everything going on in the world, I haven’t had much time to process what this life change is going to be like for us. But one thing that always helps me is writing down my thoughts. So I figured I would use my blog today as a bit of an outlet to organize my thoughts on how I feel about baby number 2. In particular, here is a list of the things I am excited for and the things I am scared for.
Things that I’m scared for:
The fourth trimester. I really struggled with the recovery both mentally and physically. You can read all about my experience here.
Postpartum anxiety. I am trying to set zero expectations around this. A lot of people are telling me that I probably won’t be as anxious this time because I know what to expect, but it doesn’t really work that way. Clinical PPA is a chemical response in our body and I’m unable to control if it does hit me again. This time, I know I can make it through and have a great support team. But I’m still scared.
Covid. We still have a few months to see where cases are but unfortunately things in Toronto are getting worse and worse each day. Too many obvious reasons as to why this is on the “scary” list.
Lily’s transition. I’m equally excited and scared. It’s less to do with Lily and more about me already feeling guilty for not giving her 100% of my attention.
Lack of sleep. Lily woke up at 8:15am today haha…I mean, at least we are all sleeping now, so I can’t complain! But when Lily’s sleep was so terrible all summer I used to joke we were really ready for the newborn. Now I feel like we all sleep like teenagers in the house and are in for a rude awakening!
Things that are making me excited:
Snuggling, smelling, kissing, cuddling and sleeping with a newborn.
Being skin to skin.
Breastfeeding (hoping that this time in not in for another 4 months of pain – you can read all about the first 8 weeks of my nursing experience here).
Having a reason to be in “lock down.” I always joke that covid lock down is not that different for new moms in their first 100 days postpartum – stuck inside a bubble, losing track of time. At least we have no fomo this time.
A new purpose/job. Once I reconciled that breastfeeding and mothering Lily was my full-time job, I really settled into the newborn phase and actually enjoyed it without putting pressure on myself to try and jump back into work. I hope I’m able to do the same this time.
Seeing Lily with the baby.
Labour and delivery. This would have been on my “scary” list last time but after having gone through it, I am more excited for it than scared.
Meeting her and seeing what she looks like.
Setting new boundaries and taking more control of my emotional state this time around. I have a much better understanding of the things I need and feel more equipped to take on the mental challenges, knowing it will be harder with a toddler and pandemic this time.
Overall, I truly loved the newborn phase and, as I can now see in writing, am much more excited for things to come than I am scared. I’m grateful and praying for a continued healthy pregnancy and trying to soak in the last few months of just Lily time.