5 LIFE LESSONS I LEARNED MY FIRST YEAR OF MOTHERHOOD THAT CAN APPLY TO ANYONE

I’ve learned so much this first year of motherhood and I want to share these lessons with you. We could get really specific here,,,like how to clean a humidifier with vinegar or change your baby’s diaper standing up…but I actually want to go more high level. I want to share greater “life lessons” I learned that can actually be applied to anyone, whether you are a parent or not.

So let’s get to it. In no particular order, the 5 life lessons I’ve learned this first year of motherhood:

Your time is precious.

I’ll never forget the first workout class I went to after having Lily. It was at a spin studio near my house. My mother in law came over to watch the baby and I had about 1 hour to get my workout in and make it home in time to nurse again. In that class, I worked harder than I have ever worked at a workout. I remember it. Because I kept thinking to myself, you only have these 50 minutes to yourself so let’s do this.

It really clicked during that class that when you have such a finite amount of time, it’s important how you use it. I pushed myself so hard because I knew it was such a small window for me to not only sweat but to get precious time alone without a baby attached to my chest.

But whether you’re a nursing mom, or have no kids at all, all of our time is precious. Life is too short to waste it on things, or people or energy that doesn’t serve you.

I learned this during those first few months of motherhood because I was feeding every few hours so I legitimately only had about a few hours each day to even just go to bathroom myself. In that season, I started to prioritize and use the time I had wisely for things that actually served me positively.

You may have more time than me right now, but how you use it and protect it still matters.

Say no to things that don’t serve you.

And that brings me to this second life lesson – learning to say no. Simply put, you will not be able to protect your abovementioned precious time if you don’t know how to say no. My guess is that you can already think of one thing you’ve done today that you didn’t want to do because you were afraid of saying no. Whether it was accepting a meeting to “pick your brain” or even just answering a simple text message, we are constantly giving people our time or putting ourselves in situations we don’t want to be in because turning them down is so uncomfortable.

I learned this lesson in the first few months of motherhood because I had to start creating boundaries to improve my mental health. That meant saying no to visitors, no to plans with friends, or just not answering a phone call. Saying no is a muscle that needs to be exercised and eventually I got better at doing it in my professional life too. No to favours, partnerships that don’t fit my values and no to working for free. It’s actually very liberating when you get good at it.

Asking for help does not make you weak.

We live in a society that glamorizes hard work and the hustle. As Gary Vee says, entrepreneurs are the new rockstars and everyone is looking to start their own business. As a small business owner myself, I’m all about this but have also quickly learned I can’t do it all alone. The problem is, that for years, I tried to. And it wasn’t really working. Yet, I still didn’t ask for help or hire anyone.

After having Lily, I felt like I had no choice but to accept the help offered and ask for it when needed. From having someone watch her while I ran an errand or drop off dinner because I was too busy to cook, I learned asking for help doesn’t make me weak. It makes me better at the job I need to do,

I’m now trying to apply this to other areas of my life, such as in my business by hiring a virtual assistant or in my personal life by seeing a therapist. This doesn’t mean I’m bad at my job or there is something wrong with me. In fact it’s quite the opposite. It’s about having a greater understanding of myself and seeking help in the areas I need support.

All or nothing is not an effective strategy.

This one could probably be it’s own blog post as I have so much to say but I’ll try and keep it short. Taking an extreme approach to anything in life usually doesn’t work, simply because it’s not sustainable.

I was someone who really used to live the all or nothing life. I was either green smoothies and workouts or pizza and netflix. There was no balance, no in between.

Getting pregnant really changed this attitude for me. I was eating whatever I wanted, which back in the day would have been a reason for me to not work out. I was the girl that was like, ‘oh I had one bite of a donut on a Tuesday, well might as well eat like crap the rest of the week and not workout.’

But when I got pregnant, I physically couldn’t stomach anything aside from bagels and cheese, which is food I would have previously considered a treat and would derail me from my “diet” if I ate it. I still wanted to keep active an do whatever I could to feel better so I continued to workout through my whole pregnancy while eating whatever I wanted. From that I learned to disassociate my emotional connection between food and working out and just focus on exercising for my body and mind. It honestly was a revelation that has completely changed my life.

Escaping from this all or nothing attitude is critical in motherhood when you really can’t plan for anything. I’d love to have a calming morning routine, journal, workout, meditate and eat well every single day. But we all know with a baby at home, that is basically impossible. So if I can get just one of those things in a day, instead of just saying, f*ck it, I consider it a success. It’s not all or nothing, it’s take what you can get and be grateful!

Time moves fast

You knew this one was coming, right? It’s the most cliche thing ever BUT. ITS. TRUE.

I’ve often heard people talk about motherhood and say, “the days are long but the years are short.” And I disagree. The days AND the years are short. I feel like I blinked and Lily is one.

Even think about quarantine and the fact that it’s already been over 4 months of it! How did that happen?!

Did you have big plans to accomplish something and felt like quarantine would be the perfect time to do it? And all of a sudden you might be back at work and barely scratched the surface of those big plans. Well there you go, time moves so fast.

So there are two things I want to say about this. One, pause for one second every day, and take it all in. Just stop, look up at the sky or at your partner or your home or anything and just try and be present, I find I do this basically every night during bed time with Lily or if I ever go for a walk in nature. I always pause my mind for a second to try and get present and take in a moment.

Secondly, there is never a perfect time for anything. Whether it’s as big as starting your dream business or as little as calling a friend you’ve been meaning to call, there’s always a million other things we can think of that we need to do or excuses we make for why right this second might be bad timing. But if you don’t do the thing you need to, or the thing you want to, the days will still pass anyhow.

Moral of the story – a) We can’t stop time but we can pause and create a moment in time each day, b) If you want something, now is the time.

So those are the 5 greater life lessons that I learned since becoming a mom. It took me weeks to write this whole post because truthfully, each of these life lessons could actually be their own blog post. I apply most of these to all areas of my life now and I see now how they have helped me change and grow as an overall person, not just a mom.

I hope that these are helpful to you no matter who you are or what stage of life you are in.

Now close this post and go do whatever it is you said you were going to do every day this week 😉

xo

Marlie